Knockers Vs Beckenham

Lose :: Played on Sunday 29th May 2022

Knockers
191-5

Beckenham
192-6

Match Report

Knockers arrived at Beckenham full to the brim of enthusiasm and the lust for Sunday cricket. This soon dissipated when Calum McCulloch arrived fresh from a tequila induced vomiting session post his niece’s 2nd birthday party. Reports of a Baby Shark techno drum and bass remix rave were not taken seriously by Scotland Yard and apparently things got out of hand as a result.

Skipper Ziggy started well - winning the toss and electing to bat. Marshy would be proud. Zig turned some heads as he elected to open with himself and the in-form Jai Shah. Two overs later, a confused debutant James Johnstone looked at the scoreboard and was delighted that Knockers were 2-0. The reality was soon revealed to the fresh faced Knocker; we were 0-2. Jai was caught off a leading edge and Ziggy received a rather good nut that rearranged his stumps. There is an old Knockers adage that goes ‘There is no Justice on a Sunday.’ This much was true for Jai as he was sent straight to square leg umpire still in his mums and dads.

Club legend Scott Landers steadied the ship at three, but after seeing off the openers, he skied a long hop to mid on. Things were still looking iffy for the visitors at 42-3, but Paul Seldon and JT emerged as the likely and unlikely (respectively) saviours. Snellers looked elegant and effortless at the crease as he strolled to a 50 and then onwards to an unbeaten 123. There were many questionable noises from the sidelines after some sumptuous cover drives. Upon scoring his hundred, one particularly keen fan proclaimed their love for Snellers from the sideline. Snellers turned to see who this mystery fan was, but alas he was left disappointed when it turned out to be Freddie Young on his return.

JT accompanied Snellers in a magnificent partnership. JT may as well have been working at a carvery as he repeatedly sliced some loose bowling to the cover boundary on his way to a majestic 46.

With JT gone, Baby Shark connoisseur Cal strode out to bat. He did what JT could not and carted Beckenham’s best bowler around for an entertaining cameo of 5.

Johnny Prof Mitchell faced the last ball of the innings but alas decided the bowling was not up to his standards and let it go for a dot as he looked on in disgust.

A good tea followed and the lads, led by a nicotine filled Ziggy and inspired by Snellers’ wand, approached the defence with a cautious confidence. Luke and Dan took the new ball and things were looking ropey with the opposition at 55-0 after 6. Dan struck though, and there was no doubt that the ball had made contact with bat as Jai took a good grab down the leg side.

On came Young and McCullouch, who calmed the run rate taking four wickets between them. Cal was the star of the show, getting movement off the seam and taking three wickets in quick succession. Young claimed a scalp after three years away from KCC action thanks to a sharp stumping from Jai. A stumping and a catch from Jai. Two dismissals to match the amount of balls he faced.

With Cal and Fred done, on came skipper Ziggy and debutant Johnners. Ziggy bowled tight lines with a delightful seam position. The revs were definitely in the red zone as Cal observed. Some clever bowling followed as he deceived the opposition’s skipper with flight and guile, bowling him as he was stranded six feet up the wicket.

Johnners steamed in like an in form Stuart Broad. Considering he hasn’t played hard ball cricket since primary school (13-years ago) he bowled with deceptive pace and a canny accuracy. That had the in batter struggling for rhythm. Johnners even unfurled the rare double bouncer that nearly had the batter stumped. An optimistic appeal went up from behind the stumps for a caught behind by Jai. Square leg umpire was having none of it and released a flurry of ‘dead chat’ (as Stevo would put it) abuse to young Jai. A cracking three over spell finished with the emergence of Prof and we are looking to welcoming Johnners back.

The dynamic duo of Prof and Scott replaced Ziggy and Johnners, and after Ziggy loudly stated we didn’t need a slip for Prof, saw a couple of chances go straight to where slip would have been. Snellers was not impressed.

A few big overs followed, which took the game away from Knockers as Young came on to try and salvage things. He didn’t salvage much, other than early access to the bar as his second spell lasted one ball that was hit over the sight screens to end the game and a delightful afternoon.

Post game celebrations were tame but many memories from various tours were regaled and certain Knockers’ university escapades were revisited.

It was a delight to be back amongst friends on the cricket pitch for this great club. I look forward to my next outing.

Player of the match - Paul Seldon

Highlights - Calum McCullouch and his general vibe for the day. The kid that keep spraying Jai because he got a duck.

Lowlights - being 0-2. Johnners’ face when he realised we were 0-2 and not 2-0.

FY

 

Batting

Batsman	How Out	4s	6s	Runs
Jai Shah	caught	0	0	0
David Bowen	bowled	0	0	0
Scott Landers	caught	0	0	7
Paul Seldon	not out	0	0	123
James Thompson	caught	0	0	45
Callum McCulloch	stumped	0	0	5
John Mitchell	not out	0	0	0
James Johnstone	dnb	0	0	0
Luke Stevens	dnb	0	0	0
Daniel Knowles	dnb	0	0	0
Freddie Young	dnb	0	0	0

 

Bowling

Bowler	Overs	Mdns	Runs	Wkts
Luke Stevens	5.0	0	32	0
Daniel Knowles	5.0	0	32	1
Freddie Young	5.1	1	17	1
Callum McCulloch	6.0	2	22	3
David Bowen	4.0	0	20	1
James Johnstone	3.0	0	15	0
John Mitchell	2.0	0	23	0
Scott Landers	2.0	0	13	0