Knockers Vs Kemsing

Win :: Played on Sunday 21st May 2023

Knockers
141-10

Kemsing
104-9

Match Report

A battle on the hills of Kemsing where runs were grafted not gifted. Newly found talents in the field, a maiden 50 came hand in hand with some sore shoulders and a bright debut.

Twas a mild day, with some cloud to go with the daisies that had been left to thrive. Food tents were erected, and the faint smell of barbequed pork hung in the air. Zinger stumps and a fancy score board accompanied a bustling crowd, Kemsing was humming with activity and expectations. After a successful, yet stern ultimatum by Match Manager/Viking Warlord F.Young was set, and the batting order decided by order of arrival, the match begun ahead of time for once. Seeing no chink in the Knockers batting armour, especially after many were coming off the back of runs last week, Captain O.Marsh settled into a relaxing and meticulous scoring role, painting a picture by numbers that even Zaltzman would have sung the praises of.

Four from the first ball and Knockers were away, a confident bottom hand strong thrash over mid-on, ripping a path through the peaceful serenity of the dandelion strewn field. Alas this was one of four boundaries witnessed in the following 10 overs of 15-year-old based onslaught that ensued. 5 wickets fell at the expense of 32 runs with extras lending a hefty helping hand. Oli, borrowing an unsuspecting teammates bat for the third season on the Jonathan Trott, swung and missed at 5 balls, not quite gelling with the topography of the slope and gentle cross breeze. The 6th ball was flighted more up the slope, opening up the leg side, and eyes widened as Boreham begun with a back swing so large that Bryson DeChambeau would’ve marvelled. The ball meandered its way towards either utter cosmic spank-tastrophe, never before witnessed in the humble fields of Kent, or a crafted path through, towards middle stump, woven with guile and purpose. The latter played out in front of a 30 strong crowd, the stumps flashed red to compliment the shade Oli had turned and The Knockers knew they were in for a tough outing with the bat.

M.Landers made a meaningful start with some textbook blocking and looked ready for the challenge, but stock ball after stock ball drew a loose shot and a simple catch was taken. J.Shah had also dug in and looked to continue a great start to his season, sadly the young E.Smit knew his Achilles heel, a full bunga on middle. A big swipe, usually only seen by Jai on tinder Friday’s, and the Zinger stumps lit up and with them the crowd. Debutant Hayhow strode out confidently and shaped up well, only to be undone by another lively nip off the pitch, crashing into the Zingers, which were in the game more often than six of the Knockers batsmen’s total runs over the course of the innings.

F.Young set about his usual business with a variety of shots, middling one to the boundary, his bat flashing around like a duelling wizard to go with the beard. A blur of willow, a flurry yelps and cries of catch led tragically to Merlin falling on his sword as a levitation spell didn’t quite have the desired balance of vertical and horizontal trajectory as it found its way to a safe pair of hands via his top edge.

L.Stevens lumbers out with a defiant look and immediately nudges a commanding single as he settles into his crusade upon the slope. JJ, J-Dawg, Jimmy J, J-Bone, Jet-Engine, Big J the man the myth found himself at the crease in the 11th over with time aplenty. He battled through 3 overs to steady the ship but succumbed to a dodgy LBW call from Starman who was itching to get to the crease (plumb). The skipper entered the fray, just about seeing 1 ball now rather than the 3 that seemed to be there at the start of the innings. Nursing a sprained ankle, he often looked like a sniper atop the pavilion was toying with him as sprint starts immediately broke into hobbles. Surviving a measly 3 overs alongside Stevens, offering just the one blow to the ropes, he fell to a ball seaming back up the slope and glancing his thigh. Despite just the bowlers half appeal with no backup from his team, the finger went up and Marsh had to exit alongside umpire Randell as the skipper realised his judge, jury and executioner was next but one in.

Luckily Knockers always bat deep and S.Horner was the next candidate to navigate the stormy seas of the slanted mistress. Fortune favoured the recently engaged Horner and much like he played the tune of love to his betrothed, he tamed the spicy lady of Kemsing. Working willow onto leather, caressing the seed all over the lush ground, Horner made a partnership with more than just the wicket and his fiancee this day as he and Luke made inroads that took the resilient Knockers from 54-7 to 112-7. The pair were always busy and rarely let a lull in runs occur. Stevens unleashed some mighty fine blows, showing a wide stance was the way to anchor against the tides of tumultuous turf. Horner too, adding boundary blasts as Knockers’ fallen warriors were stating from the dugout that they were never in doubt. A late plot twist, as the love-struck Horner was undone by the lacklustre run calling of Stevens, completely roasting his partner who so gracefully aided in the steadying of our ship.

Lover departed, Stevens’ shoulders starting to ache under the immense weight of nearly all of his teammates on his back, only one man could help now. A precipice in front of him and the abyss below, G.Randell nonchalantly strides to the crease, bat held as if it were a toothpick in his hand. Off the mark immediately and Luke breathes a sigh of relief, it’s still on. The over ends and Randell now faces the lovely loopy stuff being thrown down by the cunning Ben Cooper, a savage in the Kent village circuit, taking many a scalp with his masterful use of the moon-ball. It was overheard that Cooper had spent most of Spring camping under the stars in Norway just to better understand and appreciate the finer details of the dusty rock circling our planet, in readiness for this season. Three wild slashes from an ever-grinning Randell, each of which brought flinches from the close fielders, suddenly the line straightens and the ball finds its seemingly inevitable target as the Zingers go, not for the last time.

Luke stands tall at the crease awaiting a switched on Ziggy and a feeling of confidence creeps its way back into the scene. Stevens too, heaves and hoes at Cooper, never quite finding the middle as Extras starts to put their hand up for a promotion up the order next game. Bowen times the pants off a turning leggy who veered a bit too far down leg and the effortless flick finds the boundary, leaving scorch marks in its wake. A couple of boundaries from Luke and a few more trundles between the sticks then out of nowhere a spitting nut gets through Zig and all three stumps illuminate, burning an image onto the retinas of a disgruntled Bowen as his cameo and our innings came to an end with 4 overs to spare.

Excluding Luke, Knockers had had so much time on the side-lines with tents of food and BBQ’d bacon, they’d all eaten, allowing the turnaround to be smooth and swift. A few ankle stingers were thrown at Jai by all, then the merry men took to the paddock. The Skipper was confident with 141 on the board as he picked an aggressive field looking to take 10 wickets using a spin heavy attack.

The wizard opened up with the new cherry finding a tight leg side line immediately, conjuring a sneaky maiden first up. Randell too struggled for line but did not lack rhythm which the team jumped on and got behind, and after 5 came from the over with nothing off the woodwork Randell had the measure of the surface and a sly grin could be seen as he strode down to fine leg. Another tight over from Merlin as he found out that if he aimed his spells more at gully, that the slope and breeze brought the spitting cobra he was launching back down around the off peg.

Jake wood, an accomplished batsmen was looking at home on the Fizzing Whizzbee of a deck and was seeing it well. Randell steamed in, the ball hit back of length, and in a transition of energy that defied the laws of physics the ball gathered momentum and rose, gliding, as if the air itself was moving out of the way, towards the driving Wood. The feintest of nibbles, which any lesser player wouldn’t have gotten close to, but again the peach just kept going, uninterested by any matter that got in its way. No one even had time to move as the ball found its way in to the silk lined paws of one O.Boreham, who cushioned the soaring comet into a soft and soundless pouch.

Complete silence was observed for what felt like minutes, but was just mere moments, until the team erupted in disbelief as a genuine edge was caught behind without the keeper being involved. History made. Boreham’s fan base of 6 strong were heard screaming his name from the boundary, echoing around the halls of Knockers immortality.

Wind in the sails as the team knew a key man was gone, they proceeded to tighten the screws and pull out an exceptional team display of fielding. The wizard got his just deserves and bowled a stubborn and resilient Hayes after some tight work from Luke ’The Magnet’ Stevens saw the ball not get off the square for Freddie’s first 5 overs. Randell was relentless at the other end beautifully drawing the batsmen further across their stumps and down the slope before darting one back and attacking the twigs who were seeing more action than Calver, Lawrence and Jonah put together on tour!

After cartwheeling the Zingers, Randell then left one out wide which was slashed at backward point to the safest gut in the squad in M.Landers, who brought nothing but high energy to the field and is responsible for the high standards maintained throughout. This left Randell with three key scalps to his name from his set of seven, in a sensational display of pace bowling on a nippy deck.

Merlin had one more trick up his sleeve in his final over as he tossed up a fully to a hungry bat looking to score quickly, the next few frames of life were over in a flash as many stood a gasp. The spherical leather-bound cork was battered, laser flat to the right of the skipper at silly mid-on who managed to react by sticking out his mitt and watched on as the Dukes Viscount stuck, like a well moistened paper spit-ball fired from the end of a straw. A casual toss of the ball back to the bowler as if this were an everyday occurrence and a rye smile, Knockers were here to play cricket. From then on the lads felt like everything was going their way as any bowler brought on seemed to make an impact, either taking a wicket or bogging down the axe-wielding oppo.

Horner tore through his overs and picked up a clean bowled with a smart quicker ball that did for Barden. Ziggy opened with a maiden and suddenly Knockers had bowled 22 overs in an hour with Kemsing rattled at 59-6, Marzball was in full flow. Ziggy got his man in his 6th and final over with Luke ’Can’t keep him out the game’ Stevens taking a one hander to his left at cover, after a well struck blow by Smit just didn’t sit down. Top scorer S.Denny was dangerous and scored 12 off his first 5 balls, Hayhow and JJ bowled tightly and restricted Kemsing to 90 with 6 overs to go.

J-Bone, after studying Randell’s methods which bore him so many fruits, decided to attack the wider channels too, then slip in one at the uprights. A crash of drums and a flash of lights, his toiling paid off and a wicket was claimed with Jet-Engine joining the ever growing ’Zinger Club’. Still coming down off his slip catch, Boreham’s shoulders were the loosest on the field as he constantly windmilled round and shadow bowled in every break in play, even bowling it back to the bowler on occasion. Hints were put out there and noises were made, the skipper thought even Oli couldn’t throw it away from here and tossed him the ball.

I don’t think even Oli expected what happened next. 3 overs of on the money off spin (slope assisted) returning figures of 7-1, finishing by bowling the final over as a wicket maiden. Fair play. A high-spirited Knockers left the field without a dull moment in the session and everyone chipping in, always a warm feeling in the bones. The fat was chewed at the Bell pub, the oppo joining in full force for the debrief, tales were told, and liquid consumed.

OM

 

Batting

Batsman	How Out	4s	6s	Runs
Jai Shah	bowled	2	0	11
Oli Boreham	bowled	0	0	0
Matt Landers	caught	1	0	7
David Hayhow	bowled	0	0	0
Freddie Young	caught	1	0	5
Luke Stevens	not out	11	0	64
James Johnstone	lbw	0	0	1
Ollie Marsh	lbw	1	0	5
Seb Horner	run out	2	0	20
George Randell	run out	0	0	1
David Bowen	bowled	1	0	9

 

Bowling

Bowler	Overs	Mdns	Runs	Wkts
Freddie Young	7.0	3	8	3
George Randell	7.0	2	14	3
Seb Horner	4.0	0	9	1
David Bowen	6.0	2	21	1
David Hayhow	4.0	0	17	0
James Johnstone	4.0	0	11	1
Oli Boreham	3.0	1	7	1

 

Match Photos