Knockers Vs Penshurst

Lose :: Played on Sunday 2nd July 2023

Knockers
205-2

Penshurst
206-5

Match Report

A last over thriller saw Knockers go down trying against a strong Penshurst outfit. The game had it all; successful and unsuccessful Ben Stokes impersonations, hangovers, returning faces, dropped catches, caught catches and a stellar 97* from an opener.

Freddie ’The Usurper’ Young strode out for his second consecutive toss and confidently told the opposition that Knockers were a bowling outfit. The toss was won and he chose to bat.

S Landers and Young opened up and got the wanderers off to a quick start. The 50-run partnership was brought up at around 10-overs. Landers tested some of the fielders, but to their peril they failed the test. Young looked unrecognisable for his 27, as many of his comrades said he looked like an actual batter. His first Ben Stokes impersonation was a resounding success and had Rory Goodson questioning everything he knew about the world. Young walked up the wicket and punched the opener through mid wicket for four. His second impersonation was less resounding. Up the wicket and clean bowled.

Meanwhile Landers, who had been busy swearing at Young for his far too enthusiastic running between the wickets, was looking assured and unphased at the crease. His cousin Matt joined and together they put on another 50-run partnership. Matt hit some lovely cut shots and an enormous six, all the while Scott was picking the gaps with aplomb but also unleashing some lofty blows.

Matt got bowled. Luke ’Darren’ Stevens meandered to the crease. Stevo partnered Scott to perfection as the last few overs came with Scott in the early 90s having already passed his thousandth run for Knockers. A few swings and misses followed with Scott handing the strike to Stevo for the penultimate ball. Cries of ’get off strike’ and ’single please Stevo’ rung out from the Knockers Ultras. Stevo heard, Stevo listened. Scott was 96* as the last ball was bowled. He made contact, it was aerial, it was safe, it was heartbreakingly straight to long off. A few feet either side would’ve taken him to his thoroughly deserved 100.

Innings break. Knockers 205-2.

A healthy tea was enjoyed with more Marlboro Golds smoked than cups of tea drunk.

An aggressive field was set with three wise men (Young, M Landers, Bowen) sitting in the cordon. Randell bowled an extraordinary spell of speed and guile that had at one point an almost unheard of Knockers field. Three slips and two gully’s sat behind the bat hungry for some edges. The edges were to come. He caught the edge and it seemed that the Usurper’s plan of three slips would work. Lo and behold he himself put a difficult but regulation chance down. Soon after it was Bowen’s turn as a more difficult chance at second was put down much to Randell’s dismay. This didn’t deter Randell. He caught the edge for the third time. It was Matt’s turn. It comes quick and high. He doesn’t take it cleanly but he gets it at the second grab and Randell has his man. Three edges off their opener. Three slip fielders. Two drops. One taken. Well bowled and there are some vacancies for the next Knockers cordon. Application must please be sent to the captain on the day with references.

At the other end Rory Goodson toiled away during a difficult two over spell. A nine month hiatus didn’t appear on the first over that went for four with the Manc finding some good swing and areas. After a painful click in his shoulder and a boozy day at Lord’s before, the second over was a tad wayward and he resigned from the bowling attack.

Stevo bowled a consistently inconsistent spell that went unrewarded. James Mitchell gave the ball plenty of flight and had an easy chance dropped by Guido ’the Swiper’ Howe at deep mid wicket. Guido was still clearly infatuated by his (first) Tinder date that took place in the Penshurst CC pavilion earlier in the match. The reality of being a step-dad had perhaps finally hit home. Daddy Guido sportingly underarmed the ball back into James as it wasn’t clear if it was caught or not. Thankfully for Guido, his date and step-son had left. Rumours of the Knockers centurion sending a message to ’Ava’ claiming he put down a stunning one handed chance in the deep are all but confirmed. We look forward to seeing Daddy Guido in action on and off the pitch on Friday for Old Oaks. It isn’t clear whether this is a Knockers’ recruitment drive or more worryingly, has the man finally found love?

As the run rate was briefly spiraling out of control, Bowen came on and bowled 15-dot balls in a row with two wickets to add to his impressive tally. You could hear the revs in the air as the batters seemed like they couldn’t cope with the skills of the Starman. An extraordinary spell of bowling that guided Knockers down an avenue of potential victory.

Young bowled well from the other end in tandem with Ziggy, picking up a wicket thanks to the safe hands of John ’the Prof’ Mitchell. As the runs required kept getting lower and lower (mainly thanks the the edge of the batters’ bats) the ball was handed to Prof. with seven needed off 12 balls confidence was high. You can decide with which team. The first balls went for a four and a two, leaving one needed off 10. Four balls of Murali-esque bamboozlement followed. Four dots and a very confused and upbeat Knockers. Young took the final over and a dot followed first ball. With all the fielders around the bat the vibe was good. A plonked single off the next ball sealed victory for Penshurst in a cracking game.

Player of the Match- Scott Landers 97*

Moment of the Match- Guido meeting his step-son.

Drop of the match- Stevo’s dolly at cover off James.

FY

 

Batting

Batsman	How Out	4s	6s	Runs
Scott Landers	not out	16	0	97
Freddie Young	bowled	4	0	27
Matt Landers	bowled	5	1	33
Luke Stevens	not out	4	0	26
Guy Howe	dnb	0	0	0
David Bowen	dnb	0	0	0
James Mitchell	dnb	0	0	0
John Mitchell	dnb	0	0	0
Jai Shah	dnb	0	0	0
George Randell	dnb	0	0	0
Rory Goodson	dnb	0	0	0

 

Bowling

Bowler	Overs	Mdns	Runs	Wkts
George Randell	7.0	0	26	1
Rory Goodson	2.0	0	33	0
Luke Stevens	7.0	0	40	0
James Mitchell	4.0	0	37	0
David Bowen	7.0	3	30	3
Freddie Young	6.2	0	28	1
John Mitchell	1.0	0	7	0

 

Match Photos